Quiet Quitting Your Marriage
The term 'quiet quit' was first written about in Harvard Business Review with respect to employees showing up to their job but not putting much in, in terms of effort. It turns out that this happens in marriages all the time. We stay married while our heart is not fully engaged.
Part of quiet quitting your marriage is a conscious decision to give up on hope for change, settle for the way things are, and shifting your focus to yourself, your kids, or career. Everything BUT your spouse, but it doesn’t start there.
Here are 5 stages your marriage goes through in the ‘quiet quitting’ process.
You push for change to get your needs met without success, for many years. The same fight happens over and over without resolution. You try talking, nagging, pleading, and nothing seems to get through or lead to lasting change.
Burn out; you stop fighting. You no longer believe that there is anything you can do to get your spouse to understand you, let alone do what it takes to work on your marriage, so you give up trying.
There is an intentional shift of your attention away from your marriage, and toward finding ways to make yourself happy, without your spouse. The emotional connection begins to unravel, creating distance that continues to grow as you build a wall around your heart.
You stop turning to your spouse for comfort and support. They are no longer ‘your person’. Instead you find yourself turning to a family member or best friend as the first person you call when something happens. Even worse, you find someone outside of your marriage who gives you the love and attention you desire from your spouse.
You consciously choose to give up on your marriage. The decision to ‘quiet quit’ is made without talking about it to your spouse. Things become more peaceful between you because you are no longer fighting for change. This creates a false sense of ‘happy,’ but the sad reality is, there’s no-one left on the dance floor of your relationship. This is where your marriage comes to die even though you stay together.
The sad truth is, the quiet quit can be prevented.
We all learn what marriage is supposed to be like from what witnessed in our childhood. How your family expressed emotions, needs, and addressed conflict is your template for relationships. Most of us don’t enter marriage with the skills and tools it takes to create and maintain a happy marriage, which is why many couples find themselves unhappy, and the divorce rate is so high.
I’ve been helping women and couples for more than two decades, have a happy marriage. If you find yourself or your spouse anywhere in this quiet quitting process, I would love to help you. Visit the homepage page of my website to learn about my Happy Marriage Formula™ and how it could transform your marriage back to happy..
It’s no secret that marriage is THE most challenging relationship you will ever be in. Improving it not only impacts you and your spouse; you’re also modeling what a healthy relationship looks like to your children, and for generations to come.